


Emily's Secret

by Tumbles_C



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Best Friends, Dyslexia, Dyslexic Emily Prentiss, Emily Prentiss Needs a Hug, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29725260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tumbles_C/pseuds/Tumbles_C
Summary: "You’re going to have to go all old school on us and just stick the pictures up and write on the whiteboard”Emily felt the colour drain from her face at the news as her mind began whirring, desperately searching for a solution. There was no way that she could do as Garcia suggested, there would be no way to hide her secret from the team then.TW: Panic Attack
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss, The BAU Team & Emily Prentiss
Kudos: 59





	Emily's Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own any of the characters of Criminal Minds 
> 
> This is set in the later seasons of Criminal Minds, once Emily has become Unit Chief, but in this Morgan is still there because well…Morgan is great! 
> 
> Also this is my first ever story so…here goes!
> 
> TW: Panic Attack

“No, no, no, no this can’t be happening” the brunette Unit Chief muttered under her breath as she frantically pushed the buttons on the projector remote. 

“You okay my dark haired warrior princess?” Garcia called out. She could see that one of her girls was stressing about something and she needed to remedy that right away! 

“Ah Garcia, thank God! I can’t get the projector working and I need to present a case to the team in…” she checked her watch “4 minutes”. 

“You’re out of luck chickadee they’re doing maintenance on the projectors today so they’re all out of service. You’re going to have to go all old school on us and just stick the pictures up and write on the whiteboard” 

Emily felt the colour drain from her face at the news as her mind began whirring, desperately searching for a solution. There was no way that she could do as Garcia suggested, there would be no way to hide her secret from the team then. She would be completely and utterly exposed, that thought alone was enough to nearly turn her stomach. Emily Prentiss didn’t do vulnerability. She hid behind the walls and compartments that she had created in her head at all costs. Then she had a thought and she felt relief flood her body. “That’s alright Garcia we can just use another conference room, which one has a working projector?” 

Garcia just rolled her eyes at her. “Someone clearly hasn’t had their morning coffee yet, I just told you that they are ALL down for today, ergo it’s back to basics day my lovely”. 

Emily simply nodded at Garcia with a small smile as she retreated to her office muttering “just getting my notes”. 

Once Emily was safely in the confines of her office the panic well and truly set in. How on earth was she going to pull this off!? She was suddenly accosted by countless school memories:

_“You’re so stupid, what’s wrong with you?”_

_“Emily is quite frankly lazy and needs to develop some sort of work ethic”_

_“F’s on your report again Emily! To think, I thought I might actually get to be proud of my daughter!”_

_“Dumb”_

_“Such a disappointment!”_

Emily squeezed her eyes shut to try and block out the memories. She took a deep, slow breath in. She could do this. She isn’t the same person she was then, she’s the Unit Chief of the Behavioural Analysis Unit of the FBI for goodness sake! She slowly breathed out, grabbed the case file and strode into the briefing room. 

“Alright, so Minnesota PD need our help” Emily started as she made her way over to the whiteboard. “The projector’s having a spa day today so we’re back to the whiteboard” she attempted to joke despite her rising anxiety. 

She then grabbed one of the whiteboard markers and started to write ‘Minnesota’ on the board. She got as far as M-I-N before she froze. _"Was it one N or two?"_ God, she couldn’t remember! She was American and here she was unsure of how to spell ‘Minnesota’. _"The file! It’ll be on the front of the file!"_ She surreptitiously glanced down at the file still in her hand. _"2! It was 2 N’s."_

She quickly finished writing the location hoping that no one had noticed her hesitation. Thankfully everyone seemed to be too engrossed in the files in front of them to notice…except for JJ who was giving her a slightly curious look. She flashed a quick smile at JJ and rapidly moved on. 

She was doing well. They were a few minutes into the case file now and she hadn’t been having too much difficulty. There had been a few tense moments where she stumbled over the spelling of a word but she’d managed to find those words in the case file quickly enough not to arouse too much suspicion. Well, aside from JJ who was still giving her that curious and slightly concerned look that she had earlier and that she normally reserved for the many case files piled on and around her desk. 

It was when they began to go through the victims lives that she started to struggle. “Victoria Newton was an avid guitar player who also competed in rhythmic gymnastics and equestrian events” The moment she read that sentence to the team she started to panic. Guitar. Rhythmic. Gymnastics. Equestrian. That was too many words with too many letters. 

She tried to look at the page in the case file to see how they were spelt but the letters had started to swim across the page and blur together. Her breathing began to quicken. She had to write something, the whole team were looking at her! She raised the marker to the board and wrote down G-I-U-T-A-R; 1 down, 3 to go. 

She couldn’t stop the slight shake in her hand as she continued writing. This felt far too like her childhood for her liking, for a second she almost thought she could hear her classmates laughing at her again. She mentally shook herself. R-… _“what was after R?”_ She sounded it out in her head _“rhythmic”_ R-I-… She couldn’t help but scoff at herself, here she was a grown woman sounding out an elementary school level word in her head! What was she doing!? _“Stop being stupid Emily and focus!”_ she chastised herself. She had to write something, they were all waiting! R-I-T-H-M-I-C. She knew it wasn’t right but she didn’t know what was so she just prayed to a God she hadn’t prayed to in a long time that they wouldn’t notice. 

That hope was cut short when Emily heard Morgan burst into laughter “Bloody hell Prentiss, are you having a stroke or something, those spellings are all kinds of wrong! And I know Reid’s smart and all but I’m pretty sure he hasn’t invented a time machine yet, so I’m quite confident that the year is 2019 not 2091” 

She froze as her face drained of colour. The laughing. It was school. It was happening all over again. Who was she to think that she was any different now than she was all those years ago? She was obviously still stupid and she had been ridiculous to have ever considered otherwise. 

She felt her chest start to tighten and her breath start to come in gasps. She couldn’t do this. She needed to get out of there. Tears began to burn her eyes as she dropped her case file and marker pen and began to run out of the conference room to her office. She could fall apart once she got there but not yet. Not yet. No sooner had she slammed the door behind her than she sunk to the floor sobbing. 

_“Stupid”_

_“Lazy”_

_“F”_

_“Dumb”_

_“Disappointment”_

She couldn’t breathe. She tried to calm down but she could feel the familiar constriction settling over her chest. Her head was spinning; she couldn’t catch her breath. 

“Em. Em, look at me. Look at me Emily” she could hear a voice but it sounded strangely distorted and far away. 

She tried to look up but her head was spinning too badly now for her to be able to focus on anything. She felt someone shift her away from the wall slightly and slide in behind her. 

“Breath with me Em, breath with me…in and out…in…and out” 

She could feel someone’s chest rising and falling against her back, she focussed all her energy on trying to replicate their breath pattern. “That’s it sweetie, that’s it, you’re doing so well. Keep breathing, in…and out…in…and out” 

She finally recognised the voice behind her as JJ’s as she continued to calm further still. Eventually, her breathing was back to normal and with one last steadying breath she hastily dried her eyes before trying to get up off the floor muttering “we should get back” but JJ held her there. 

“Em you just had a panic attack!” JJ admonished before taking a breath and continuing “look, I know you and I know you are probably feeling a little exposed and embarrassed right now, but please Em, don’t try and play it off as nothing and shove it into one of those compartments of yours. You don’t need to. Please don’t shut me out, you have absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed about.” 

Emily sighed, JJ was right. “Okay, but can we please get up off the floor and at least move to my couch?” Emily asked with her characteristic drawl. JJ chuckled and they helped each other up off the floor. 

As soon as they were both standing JJ pulled Emily into a tight hug. Emily hugged her back “Thank you JJ, I’m so sorry that you had to just witness that, I know it’s about the furthest thing from professional…I just got um, got a little, well the words and then th-” she uncharacteristically stuttered, starting to feel overwhelmed again.

JJ pulled out of the hug and led them over to the couch. She took Emily’s hand in hers and blue eyes met brown as she stated “You’re dyslexic”.

Emily was stunned and before she could really think her defence mechanisms kicked in “What, NO! That’s ridiculous! I’m not dyslexic…I’m not stupid” she trailed off. 

JJ squeezed Emily’s hand reassuringly. “Hey, it’s okay, my sister was dyslexic, I recognised the signs. I’ve been suspecting it for a while but then today I just knew. And secondly Em, just because you’re dyslexic doesn’t mean that you’re stupid! Not at all! I know you Em and I know that you are one of the smartest people I have ever met. The way that you notice things in the profile that no else does, the way that you can read people, the way you play chess…you Emily Prentiss are far, far from stupid!” Emily felt overcome with gratitude for the blonde beside her and not knowing how else to express this pulled her into a tight hug. 

“I need to tell the team don’t I?” Emily realised after a slight pause. She knew her team would be worried about her and they deserved an explanation, but more than anything Emily owed it to herself to not be ashamed of this and herself anymore. 

JJ gave her hand a strong squeeze “I’ll be there, you can do this”.

Emily cleared her throat awkwardly as she stood in front of her team. “I owe you all an explanation” she paused. 

“There is something that you should know about me, something that I have to admit I have always felt too ashamed to talk about before, but with a little help” she flashed a smile at JJ “I’m ready…I’m dyslexic. I got diagnosed when I was 6. I have a lot of problems with spelling and numbers sometimes too. Normally I can get around it by typing everything and using the projector…but with the projector and its ‘spa day’ I couldn’t do that today. School was really hard for me, not only were we moving around all the time but I got picked on a lot because of my dyslexia. I think that’s why it really got to me with you laughing Derek, I know you didn’t mean it but it just brought back a lot of memories, I’m sorry.” 

There was a pause “…So that’s a fun fact about me I guess…” She joked lamely as she tailed off. 

Her eyes found JJ’s and she saw the blonde giving her a huge, broad grin. She looked around at the other profilers waiting for their reactions. Just as the panic was starting to return Derek spoke “Princess, if I had known I NEVER would have said anything, I’m a jerk I’m so sorry but I’m so proud of you for telling us” 

Emily couldn’t help but blush slightly at his comment “You didn’t know because I didn’t tell you Derek and I know you’re nothing like those kids I used to know”. 

Next, Penelope sprung out of her seat and engulfed the brunette in a bone crushing hug “I am so proud of you, you are now even more badass then I ever even realised! Oooo I can print all your stuff out for you on coloured paper if that would help? I’ve heard it’s supposed to help and ooo it’s so pretty that way too! And-” 

Emily could tell that if she didn’t cut this off now they were going to be here for a long while yet so she simply gave Penelope a squeeze and said “Thank you Penelope, that means a lot, we can sort out about the paper later” 

Rossi was next, he gave her a fatherly hug as he told her “if you ever need anything proof read, send it my way. I’m proud of you, kiddo” 

Tara, Luke and Matt all gave her hugs too and said they were proud of her and assured her that they didn’t think any differently of her, if anything they had way more respect for their dark haired leader now! JJ have here another squeeze and at last only Reid was yet to speak. 

“Spencer?” Emily gently coaxed “Are you okay?” 

He looked up to face her with a look of puzzlement on his face “Dyslexia is estimated to effect between 5-10% of the population and is categorised as a language disorder…but you…you read all the time and speak multiple languages…I don’t understand…?” 

Emily couldn’t help but chuckle at what was troubling the genius “I do. When I was in High School I had an amazing English teacher who gave me the specific help and support that I needed and that I should really have had so much sooner. That in combination with working my ass off finally brought my reading up to where it should’ve been. 

It wasn’t that I couldn’t read, I just needed to learn how to do it in a different way. Nowadays reading is never too much of an issue for me, unless I’m tired or particularly stressed, then my abilities can go completely out of the window!  
And as for the languages, I think I was able to learn them without too much trouble because I was immersed in them and not just having to learn them from a text book, I think I would have really struggled with that. Besides I do speak them yes and can read them but have you ever seen me try to spell in French? Absolute train wreck. Spelling has always been my main nemesis.” Emily laughed. 

Spencer seemed satisfied with this answer and gave her a nod of approval accompanied with by a big smile.

“Right, now everybody…on with the case! And please, if you all could overlook my very definitely incorrect spelling of ‘rhythmic’ that would be great!”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed it! Also just a fun fact for you all, Paget Brewster is also dyslexic so writing this seemed especially appropriate! :) Also if you liked the story any kudos&/comments are always much appreciated <3


End file.
